Now, remember folks that the mansion is still being built... as you will see as you walk through, there are several columns missing and the lighting has not been installed. However, you are just in time to see the finished stairway that has been custom built for the Addams'. Also, Mrs. Addams has placed items just for this showing so they may be enhanced or moved in the future.
Alright... who's first.... yes you. Alright, please enter through the door and you'll find your tour guide, Mrs. Addams herself.....
***Creeeeeeeeeeek***** The door slowly opens

"Ah...Welcome", says Mrs. Addams as she finishes putting out her last vase of freshly dead roses. "Welcome to my home. Come in.... and watch the Polar Bear rug, he hates guests."
"Hookah? No? Well it is rather early in the evening for smoking. I'll ring Lurch for some Lady Fingers. We just got in a fresh batch. Please sit."

"My family is doing quite horribly, thank you for asking. They are out collecting swamp gas for Pugsley's upcoming Science Project."
"So as you can see we're still in the process if making the mansion our home... several things still look a little too 'new' and 'clean'. Also, we've lost our moose head for the fireplace, Gomez has been hunting for a replacement for weeks. Its been a slow process but we Addamses love suspense...."

"Well thats the end of the tour" *A snapping noise from the corner of the room*
"Oh Thing, how thoughtful of you, but the upstairs study isn't quite complete. Gomez's desk has not even arrived yet."

"You will have to come back for the tour of the rest of the house..... no, you will not have to re-buy your ticket, you have a lifetime pass. Lurch has bagged a few lady fingers for you for the road, enjoy."